TOM KAULITZ

Chapter 3

 

CHAPTER 3:-

 

<Anna’s POV>

“Ann?” Moony said softly as she drove us to school.

 

“mhhmm?” I mumbled over the coffee cup I held near my mouth.

 

“You know, prom’s almost coming…” She half said as she tapped her hand impatiently on the steering wheel in response to the hectic traffic at only 9 o’clock.

 

“So?” I said knowing where she would be bringing this conversation.

 

“ SO?!!” she almost shrieked as she eyed me.

 

“Don’t you have a date and all? I mean you should. It would be good for you.” She said not allowing me to answer her useless question.

 

“A cure for a breakup is a hook up!” She said with her finger up making her point.

 

I used to be in love with this amazing guy, Alex; I thought that he was my other life, my completion. Whenever he was around me I felt as though I wasn’t hollow anymore and felt complete.

 

But I was wrong. What I thought was my “everything” ended up getting a blow job from this Blonde bitch I hated, Julia.

 

God knows how many times I wanted to cut off those fake balloons she had stuck on her body as boobs.

 

I never expected him to actually look at her, I mean she didn’t have ANY good looks, she was a total pain in the ass to every one, she was mean to almost all the people who weren’t half has rich as she was, she back stabbed every friend she ever had either for a boy, fame or revenge.

 

So basically you get the point, she was a typical spoiled brat, who would do anything for attention; and her boob job was the thing that hit the charts, and it really did hit the charts!

 

We’ve been sworn enemies since the day she backstabbed me and told everyone a secret that was so big, if told it would ruin my life; so now you get why I hate her?

 

I shook my head trying to forget about that celebrity poser.

 

“Please don’t open up this freakin’ subject again moony, at least I’m coming to prom. Besides, prom doesn’t mean that you have to have a GUY as your date. You’re my date remember” I winked at her trying not to burst into laughter. ;D

 

“ Fine, Fine.” She waved her hand dismissing my reference.” We could be like lesbo lovers or something.” She laughed. “Omg! That would be even more fun than having to watch Drake attempt to dance.”

 

******************

Drake was her 18 year old jock boyfriend, someone every girl would dream of going out with, other than me, due to this really awkward moment me and him had in 7^th grade.

Totally awkward to the point that when I think about that awkward moment I begin to feel very awkward, then eventually I would end up hating myself for feeling awkward when that awkward moment wasn’t that awkward…you know what I mean?

 

Plus we were like kinder garden buddies I basically grew up with this guy. Saw his first tooth fall off, carried him to the nurse when he fell in the playground and was crying his head off, I saw his first drown when he attempted to swim in the pool, I was the cause of his first grounding EV-ER, I was the good friend that bought him that weird buzzlightyear toy, I was the one who helped him get his first girlfriend and taught him a couple of slick moves that would attract any girls attention, I was there watching him for the first time put that weird gooeeyy gel in his hair, I was there when his heart was broken, I was the one who sent him “staind” songs and bought him a ticket to see them and meet them for his 13^th birthday, I was the one who didn’t care about his looks, I was the one who treated him like a brother and awkwardly saw him get layed for the first time- I know right?- and I was the one who got to watch him slowly fade away from the world we once created, from all the gum drops the sky rained, the cotton candy trees, the moon that was shaped as heart, and the bark that had our names carved: Anna+ Drake best friend forever.

 

I watched him change into some complete different person than the little boy that had befriend me, gave me his apple, stood up for me since the first day of school, and ever since then we never talked, I mean seriously talked, to each other. It was either “hi”,”bye”,”how are you?” or all those other crappy phrases which actually mean ‘ I’m trying to move on with my life so why don’t you?’’

“Drake is tall, tanned skin that went with very light brown hair and o.m.g the most amazing ocean blue eyes…” I remembered what moony had told me 3 years ago when she entered this school.

 

To me he was just another guy going to the same high school, as I did…no biggie.

**************************

 

I laughed and got ready to get out of the car as moony parked her SUV in the student’s parking lot. There were no guys leaning over their new cars, or girls showing of their legs by wearing the shortest skirt they owned; this proved that we were beyond late, and would get detention for a week if we didn’t get to class right about now…

 

“ Sheesh it’s hot.” I shrieked as I got out of the car and fanned my book at my face.

 

“Maybe If you’d quit wearing so much layers of clothing -she pointed at my jacket- then you wouldn’t be so hot. I mean what have you got to hide under all that.”

 

“Ugh whatever, there’s nothing wrong with the way I dress.” I mumbled at her suggestion. She didn’t know that I had a lot to hide.

 

As for moony I could tell she wasn’t sweating at all due to the black tank top she wore, that was designed with white vines, the jean shorts that went along with these black flip flops, and a very light grey jacket that was see through… and oh of course don’t forget her Blink bag that was colored in bright blue, green, pink and whatever.

 

I was lucky to have her as my best friend, not only was she beyond adorable with her jet black straight hair, that was until her shoulder and with bangs that were perfectly cut in a straight line across her forehead, I mean she could pass as the next “Emily The Strange” if it weren’t for her constant optimism and her always smiley face xD

 

As for me, what can I say? I guess I look okay.

 

I wore light blue skinny jeans, with black converse<as usual>, a black shirt that had some crazy colorful prints all over which was covered by my checkered white and black vanz jacket.

My straight light brown hair was surprisingly not letting me down today so I didn’t have to pull my hoodie up, to cover my hair.

I have like a bizzilions ear peircings, all different from one other. <whaa—att? I like getting weird ear piercings they make me feel different! Plus it scares the kids on my block XD But who cares right? > Anyhow I had to cover ‘em up, I don’t one any teacher staring at me as if I were some psycho.

SO, believe me I didn’t try to impress anyone. I was being me! And only me.

 

“ Lets just get this over with before I die” I told her as she straightened her clothing and combed her bangs with her hands neatly at her forehead.

 

“Shall we?” she grabbed my hand and dragged me off to class.

 

*******Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiinnnnngggggg*********

 

“Crap! Do you know what we have now?” moony screamed at me 3 lockers down.

 

“Yah, um we have English!” I replied back as I grabbed my stuff, shut closed my locker, and walked all the way to her.

 

“Ugh. How can you find anything in that mess.” I asked her staring at her locker that was filled with papers, rotten tangerines-which were apparently mine-, school flyers, report cards, shoes, and god knows what else.

 

‘O-kay well it was better than my room on weekdays… but still!’

 

A paper flew out of her locker and landed on the floor.

 

I picked it up and read through it, it said:

 

“THOSE WITH AMAZING VOICES OR CAN PLAY AN INSTRUMENT WELL, CAN COME WITH THEIR BAND OR SOLO AFTER SCHOOL IN THE AUDITORIUM AT 3 O’ CLOCK, APRIL 1^ST. 

 

FIRST PRIZE: trip to Germany for a month and get to sign a record deal with the largest music industry.

 

SECOND PRIZE: 500 dollars cash, an ipod touch, and “hot topic” vouchers.

 

THIRD PRIZE: 100 dollars and free gifts from hot topic for a week.

 

XD XD XD XD XD XD XD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

“OMYGOD” I thought.

 

This could be it. All the practicing in my garage days are over.

 

“Moony, why’d you not tell me ‘bout this,” I waved the flyer at her face.

 

“Hey, hey. Stop waving that thing at me before you paper cut my face!” she hit my hand down and grabbed her books out from her locker, and closed it shut, then gave me eye contact.

 

“ I just thought, you know… that you wouldn’t care” she shrugged.

 

“I—I wouldn’t care! Cumon’ you know that me and the band- which includes you- FYI are dying for some label to hear our amazing talent. And this- I pointed at the flyer- might be our only shot!”

 

“ You really think so?” she looked at me with some sparkle in her eyes.

 

“ I know so. You are beyond amazing as my guitarist and duet singer. Kevin looks totally hot with his bass so I’m guessing no one will notice his sloppy fingers; and Travis…man that boy got potential. He really does have passion for the drums. I’m surprised he’s not related to Travis barker from blink… so yah I know we’ll do good…” I said as I lead the way to class.

 

“Oh yah and plus what would a show be without the bands most am-azing lead singer (cough/cough). “ I added ending that conversation with a noochie ego!

<Noochie by the way is my nickname, my friends like to call me that; so I kinda’ am used to it…>

 

“Hehe you got ego girl…” moony laughed off.

 

“I know, I know...” I mumbled. XD

 

“Ew, do you smell that?” I wrinkled my nose as an awful smell hit my face, so to speak.

 

“Uh, unfortunately I do. Smells like someone busted the toilet again. I bet this time it got over flooded by some condom.” Moony said as she closed her nose with her hand.

 

“ Hah! Totally gross, but it could, would and DID happen. So I agree. What better place to screw with your mate than the bathroom.” I laughed off.

 As we arrived at our English class; I quickly thought of some weird excuse… I couldn’t think of anything but we went in any ways.

 

<Knock, knock. >

 

“Hey, Mr. Mathews!” I yelled as me and moony entered the class.

 

“Late, late, and late.” He mumbled as he was staring down at his desk marking some paper.

 

Mr. Mathews was our English teacher. A 24-year-old bachelor who just started teaching, and despite his ‘omg!’ Enthusiasm -Being sarcastic here- he was a great teacher.

 

“So sorry! Me and moony had to stop by the hospital this morning since I had really painful ‘period’ cramps, on top of that, the traffic was crazy.”

 

“ mhm, keep this up and ill start counting your menstrual cycle to see if your being truthful” He said as his head was still down staring at what I now could see was an English essay.

 

“O-kay weirdo...” I mumbled quietly under my breath as moony nudged me with a look saying “ Guess your excuses are growing old.”

 

I stuck my tongue at her as I replied to Mr. Mathews wickedly,“ I don’t lie in my time of month; if you don’t believe me go ask. Better yet ill give you every singe detail of how my stomach right now is feeling pain.”

 

“No thank you Anna. I don’t think it would be school appropriate. Just go to your seat and continue working on that unfinished essay of yours. Unless you want me to sit you here after school and tell you every single detail of what happen to kids that don’t care much about their academics”

 

“Sheesh. Okay… you don’t have to be so snappy.” I mumbled under my breath as I took my seat next to Moony who already was half done with her essay.

 

“Keep your comments for your analysis report Anna…” Mr. Mathews said triumphantly as I turned on the computer and started typing out whatever came into my head.

 

******* 6 minutes later, or what seemed like it *******

 

“Hey! Anna” Moony whispered to me.

 

I pulled the headphones I had plugged into my ears the minute our teacher had gone back to work.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“So, we’re up for that contest right?” she said with a pinch of excitement in her voice.

 

“Yah, totally. I’ll tell Travis and Kevin directly after this class. I bet their gunna be excited and all…”

 

“Okay, I just can’t wait. 2 more weeks till the big show!” Moony almost screamed and got back to her computer screen.

 

“ Neither can I sista’”

 

********* Rrrrriiiiinnnnnnngggg **************

 

“Finally! I thought this class would never even end” I sighed as I saved my work and turned off the computer.

 

“Ok-ay everyone, shoooo get outta my class.  Time flies when you’re having so much fun,” Mr. Mathews said sarcastically as he got off his chair and opened the door, waving us out.

 

“So much fun my ass” I grumbled as I walked out.

 

“Anna! Moony!” Travis and Kevin screamed as they saw us exit our English class.

 

“Woah those guys are embarrassing,” Moony said as she covered her face and walked towards her locker as quickly as possible.

 

I laughed as I was suddenly ambushed by Travis’s suffocating hug.

 

“ I love you too, “ I laughed as he finally released me allowing me to breathe again.

 

“Where were you guys this morning, me and Kevin -Travis pointed at Kevin who was picking moony up in a hug and swinging her around in circles as she kicked and cursed at him- were searching for you like mental!”

 

“Sorry…me and moon just got carried away with sleep, and traffic was crazy…Holy shit, speaking of the devil. Lets go save moony from Kevin’s evil grip before he kills her with those hugs and swings.” I said as I eyed what Kevin was doing to moony.

 

<’Man, those guys don’t know how to show affection.’ I thought. >

 

“Hey kev.” I said, as I emerged him and what now looked like a wrestling match between him and moony.

 

“Banana! Come here” he dropped moony out of his hands causing her to fall on her butt, and picked me up as if I were some kind of doll.”

 

“O-kay kev. Sorta loosing sense of body.” I panted as I tried to breathe in as much oxygen into my lungs.

 

“Oh, sorry.” He blushed as he put me down.

 

“Guys I have big news!” I said as I took moony’s hand and helped her off the ground.

 

She gave Kevin the-evil-eye and I could swear I thought I saw her attack him, but she was still by my side.

 

Kevin and moony always had this ‘ I Love you and hate you’ thing going on between them.

 

‘Such good friends I have’ I thought smiling.

 

“Pack away all your spongebob boxers because we are going to be famous!”

 

“WHATTTT!” they both yelled all excited, just as how expected.

 

“No more spongebob…” kevin said looking all sad, as Travis hit him on the head to get serious.

 

Moony eyed me as in “You liar, but keep going on. ;D”

 

“IF YOU DO NOT REMAIN CALM! I shall not finish what I started to say.” I crossed my hands over my chest and turned around when Travis grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him so I was now right in front of his face.

 

“Are you for real?” he asked me seriously with the most cutest expression on his face. This guy was my best friend, how unlucky am I ?!

 

“Yup! But that only happens if we win this talent contest” I kissed his nose as I backed away from him and waved the paper at his face.

 

“buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”

 

My pocket was vibrating. I mean my phone, that was in my pocket! XD

 

I pulled out the phone I had since like forever and flipped it open.

 

It was a message from my uncle, Ben, and it read:

 

“ Anna I don’t how to say this over the phone especially in a txt…so I’m picking you up after school. Its urgent Ann…very urgent.

Take care of yourself, there are a lot of crazy people out there…ill see you in 20 minutes.

Love u. – Uncle Ben”

 

I stared at the screen for what seemed like forever, when moony nudged me real hard in the stomach…

 

“What’s wrong?” she asked

 

“ I dunno’. My uncle just sent me this weird message…” I handed over the phone for her to see.

 

“Hey… don’t worry I don’t think its anything to stress yourself over… anyhow you know how your 25 year old uncle over dramatizes stuff.’”

 

“Yah...Yah... I guess your right I mean what could be so urgent”

 

I grabbed back my phone and directly searched for my older brothers number, Jack, and dialed call.

I wanted to hear his voice again. It had been so long he since he left us to go to college in Germany with his girlfriend, which I actually liked.

I wanted to make sure he was okay… but I didn’t want to assume something happened to him… because when you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME.

So I shook that thought out of my head as I concentrated on jacks phone ringing.

 

No service.

 

I dialed again… and again NO SERVICE.

 

**********Riiinnnnnnnnggggggg(the school bell rang)***********

 

“Hey Ann. You okay?’ Kevin asked looking concerned.

 

“Yah.Yah. Never been better” I replied trying not to sound all scared.

 

I stuffed my phone back into my pocket, hoping that the text I got was just another ‘uncle Ben’ prank, and wasn’t really serious.

 

“’kay…lets get to class then.” He took my hand and led me to the class I hated the most, History.

 

I didn’t hate the subject; I just hated the people that took the class with me.

 

Most of them were Alex’s friends and they were revenging for him on me; when I didn’t even do anything to that asshole.

 

 The whole freaking class was against me for breaking Alex’s “poor fragile heart” when truly it was the opposite.

 

HE wasn’t the one who had to bear the pain everyday growing deeper and heavier.

HE didn’t have to wake up every morning knowing that the person he gave his heart to took advantage of him and broke the already hurt heart.

HE didn’t cry himself to sleep everyday.

HE didn’t have the memory of seeing the person he loved most do something with someone else.

HE didn’t cut him self every day do just let some of the pain go away.

Not only did I have to bear the pain he left me with I also had to listen to all those stuff my parents say about me, that I don’t give a shit about them and wouldn’t care less if they died.

HE didn’t have to write a letter to god asking him if he was really everything his parents said about him.

HE didn’t have to wish he could actually tell his mom everything that happened to him without her blowing up in front of him.

 

Finally, HE didn’t have the life I did; HE wasn’t insecure like I am; HE isn’t wrong like I am; HE was beautiful when I wasn’t; HE had everything he wanted when I didn’t get what I wanted most, which was true love…

 

“Here comes the bitch,” I heard a guy say as I walked into the classroom holding Travis’s hand.

 

“ Who did you fuck and then break this time whore?” I heard the same guy say.

 

I tried to ignore all those mean and untrue comments thrown at me.

 

I tried to hold back the tears that threatened to fall out of my eyes and spill all over my face for every one to see; but I couldn’t stand it anymore.

 

I wanted to scream at all of those fuck faces that made fun of me, and laughed at my pain.

 

 

 Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4:-

 

Thank you so much for those who read the first 3 chapters; but I have bad news. Apparently I am not so good at using this site cause some of the first three chapters got screwed. I know, I know! I’m sorry. BUT luckily I had them saved on my laptop or else I would have to retype every single chapter all over again… which would oh be so very sad to do. SO the thing is I tried fixing my chapters yesterday and like I said they got screwed, so I reposted all three chapters again… BUT I made some changes to those chapters.

So for all of you who read the first 3 chapters I’m sorry to say this but you have to re-read them again if you wanna stick to this story and understand everything.

Again I am very sorry, and I hope this wont happen again or else I swear I’m gunna kill quizilla!!!

 

Love you all and I hope you enjoy this chapter, which BTW is Tom’s POV. XD-nw

 

<Tom’s POV>

 

I saw light in front of me, coming down from the beautiful sky above.

 

‘Where the hell am I?’ I thought.

 

‘Where is Georg, the girl standing in the middle of the street… Where is Germany?!!!!!’

 

‘Oo I get it, this is one of those nightmare’s I have to pinch myself to wake up from…’ so I pinched my hand real hard in order to get up from this nightmare I was having, but guess what?

 

 it didn’t work.

 

I tried once more. But it still didn’t work.

 

I was starting to get really scared when I heard faint voices around me.

That gave me hope and so I had to get up, to find out if Georg was okay or if the girl in the middle of the street wasn’t hurt.

 

“Someone call the ambulance!!!!” I heard a girl shriek real loud with emotion.

 

I wanted to open my mouth and try to tell the girl to check on Georg and the girl, but whenever I tried to lift my hand up or speak my body failed me and refused to listen to my command.

 

“Shit,shit,shit… what do I do, crap they all look hurt real bad” I heard the same voice mumble from somewhere above me.

 

I wanted to grab that girl and bang her head a million times. HELLO! News flash car accident=people hurt=phone=dial help!

 

Sheesh!

 

“Oh my god, thank god their here…HEYYYY! YAH OVER HERE.” The same girl yelled.

 

‘Who’s here you bitch?’ I thought.

 

“ Okay lady. Back away from the car we need space to get these guys out of there.’

 

“Okay,okay. No need to fuss about it… you know there’s another victim right in front of the car, just so you know.”

 

********* 15 minutes later *****************

 

<Man1> “ Is he breathing”

 

<Man 2> “ It’s a miracle…he IS breathing. But looks like he’s been hurt real bad”

 

<Man 1> “ Why didn’t they put him on the same ambulance as the other two who got hurt?”

 

<Man 2> “ Jerry…didn’t you see? Those two were serious. If they didn’t take them to the hospital ASAP then god knows what would have happened to them!”

 

<Man 1>“ Was their situation worse than his?”

 

<Man 2>“ I don’t know but when I got the driver out from the front seat, he had real deep cuts in his legs and hands, way deeper than this guy here. The cuts were so bad that I didn’t know if he was alive until I heard him mumble something… As for the girl… your lucky you weren’t there… she was bleeding so much, but still she could cry and ask god to forgive her. Then all of a sudden her heart stopped… That’s when they took her and the driver into the first ambulance. Its sad Jerry, very sad… I mean they’re so young; they had their whole life ahead of them…until this. I just hope they’re all gunna’ be okay…”

 

<Moment of silence>

 

<Man 2> “… but this guy here will surely make it. It truly is a miracle.”

 

Georg is hurt? The girl’s heart stopped beaating? But I will make it?

 

I’m alive?

 

I get to live while two other people die because of me?

 

Why was I so stupid?! Why did I have wake Georg up and force him to drive us to some crappy mall.

 

If I just left him there all alone then we could both be at home safe and alive, and no girl would have gotten hurt.

 

‘It shouldn’t really be that way’ (Tokio hotel-forgotten children XD)

 

Now because of me two lives are at stake and me? I’m still breathing.

 

Suddenly I felt a sharp pain hit me at the side of my stomach, I winced as it spread throughout my whole body.

 

I wanted to scream so bad just to let some of the pain escape me.

 

<Man 2 > “ Jerry, he doesn’t look too good…get me the injection”

 

That was when I totally blacked out from my surrounding.

 

I tried to fight back the pain in my head that seemed to spread throughout my body whenever I moved.

 

<Man 2> “ Its ‘kay buddy… this’ll help relieve the pain”

 

When the injection pressed into my arm, and the serum was in my body I dozed off into another world.

 

I dozed off into another world, while Georg was hurting so bad because of me.

I dozed off into another world, while a girl -whom I didn’t know at all- was loosing her grip of the world and fading away into another place.

 

I dozed off into a deep sleep, while the world around me kept moving on, and me? I was still here.

‘Here? I didn’t even know where HERE was. X’(‘

 

That moment I wanted to stay awake and let the pain overtake me. It didn’t matter any more.

 

I had caused two other peoples lives to flash beyond their eyes while I still had the chance to live.

 

But I guess the serum was too strong, because the next moment I woke up I found myself in a hospital bed and in weird operation robes.

 

******************

 

I squinted as I adjusted my eyes to the dim room.

 

I tried to get up. But I still felt very weak, and empowered by pain.

 

I looked around me, and saw the plain white four walls all covered with ‘get well’ cards and balloons.

 

Something moved from next to me, and as I got closer to see who it was. The hospital door opened, causing my heart to jump out of my chest; but unfortunately no heart attack so no need to celebrate.

 

“ I see you have awoken” an old man said as he the person next to me moved a little but unfortunately not waking up.

 

“Uh yah! I feel okay… but I kinda’ don’t remember why I’m here” then all of a sudden the person leaning on the med sheets got up, stared at me with wide eyes. Then starting jumping and screaming “Tom’s alive!!!!!!”

 

I rolled my eyes as I knew instantly it was Bill. My twin, my brother, my blood, my friend… my family.

 

“Haha don’t kill yourself!’ I said as I noticed Bill pant heavily after his jumps.

 

“Don’t you EVER do that to me again. You scared the freakin’ shit outta’ me.” Bill yelled as he leaned over and squished the life out of me.

 

I winced at Bill’s death grip, which caused a sharp pain to attack my insides again.

 

“Woah! Bill back away from your brother. He’s still badly injured from the car accident… Even though he appears to be okay, he isn’t.” The old man said; now that the lights were on I could make out his face.

 

“Right, right... almost forgot… Sorry Tom” Bill mumbled as the doctor shot him some glare.

 

“Its ‘kay, I mean I’m still alive aren’t I?” That’s when my memory came back to me over flooding my head with images and phrases I wished I didn’t hear or see.

 

“Okay let me recheck your pulse rate and blood. Then we can talk a little bit about how you feel, and what places hurt you more.” The doctor said as he emerged the hospital bed, to check my heart rate.

 

I pushed him back and started screaming like a mental patient…

“IS GEORG OKAY? WHAT ABOUT THE GIRL? DID SHE MAKE IT?” I yelled all of a sudden. I didn’t mean to sound so rude or whatever, but I just couldn’t help it.

*****************************************************************

 

Chapter 5

 

CHAPTER 5:-

 

Yup, yup this one’s long so bear with me here… I spent till 1 AM in the morning trying to finish this one, but I guess I just couldn’t cause I was soo freaking tierd. ;D

ANYHOOOO… thankyou.thankyou sooo verry much for those who spent their time reading the previous chapters; and I hope you very much enjoy reading this chapter just as much as I enjoyed writing it from heart<3

Oo yah and just so you all know this chapter is heart breaking –at least that’s what I think- I was listning to really tough music while typing this out, bands like Dance Gavin Dance, Staind, Creed, Dashboard Confessional, OFCOURSE the most awesomest band ev-er<drum role pleassseeee! > TOKIO HOTEL!!!! xD, A Day To Remember, Escape The Fate…. And if I keep on going this list will be longer than my chapter so ENJOY.

PS: I forgot to say feel free to give me dips on how you feel and what you think about this story or chapter so far! Feedback helps a lot people it does! –nw<3

 

<Anna’s POV>

The minute I walked up to him. I swear I just wanted to torture him like how the guy in the movie SAW did to his victims.

 

But I knew that I wasn’t like this guy and all the rest of the kids that enjoyed torturing me by just words.

 

I know words can’t be proven to be a murder weapon but I swear if you felt the pain and agony each word sliced into me, you would charge ‘words’ with murder; you would agree with me that words CAN kill a person. Moreover it can kill a soul.

 

I knew his comments were all untrue. But apart of me couldn’t help but

think that somehow they were true.

 

Maybe I WAS a selfish person that never gave a damn about anyone or anything but myself…

Maybe I DID break Alex’s heart…

 

‘What the hell are you saying to yourself Anna. Your actually believing THIS jerks words?’ I heard my head say to me

 

I shook my head as my hands tightened at my sides into fists as I spoke words that seemed to overflow from my heart.

 

“ You know I thought that I could finally live in a place where I could have a normal life like all you other people. I thought I could finally ‘go with the flow’ after changing schools and moving from one country to another. But the minute I stepped into this freakin’ high school people whom I didn’t know and didn’t know me, started hating me… they started spreading rumors about me that were all shit- I threw my hands as I let all the words come out from my heart- they did all that crap just because they found out that my dad worked with a couple of bands they admired. – I looked at him and the rest of the kids in the class and noticed that Julia was here too watching me yell in pain, with a smile displayed wide across her face. I wanted to slap her but I tried to ignore that thought as I continued what I had started to say-…How the hell is that my fault? I didn’t understand it back then and I still don’t. I thought that all that shit disappeared when I met your buddy- I poked the guy that spoke shit about me- I thought that everyone and everything stopped hating me, stopped torturing me for something that wasn’t even my fault. I thought I finally had come across someone that truly wouldn’t judge me and would just love me for who I am and not for all this- I waved at my face and body-. I thought that I could actually MAKE friends for once in my life and not be the ‘ nobody’ I was. I thought that Alex honestly loved me with all his heart, I really did…until I saw him….get- I panted I couldn’t breathe anymore…images of him and that girl were overflowing my mind. Tears started to reappear and this time they fell out exposing my pain to the rest of the class who were just watching me, but I wanted everyone to know the truth. I was so sick of having to deal with pain that didn’t even belong to me. So I took in a deep breath and continued my sentence- …until I saw him getting a blowjob from her. - I pointed at Julia who just smirked at every tear that dropped out from eyes- I’m not the one who broke him, he broke me; Not only did he break me, he TORE me into pieces, he left me with wounds and scars that I know will never heal; and all of you still stand here and accuse me of breaking someone’s heart, when I cant even repair my own…” I stared at all the people in the room who just stared back at me speechless.

 

I looked at Travis hoping to see some ‘go girl’ spirit in his eyes. But when I looked at him, all I could see was pity and pain for me.

 

‘GREAT! Now they all pity me like I’m some kind of poor widow who has no where to go.’ I thought sadly to myself.

 

“ You know what? Just forget it. I don’t care what you say or think about me anymore; because what you don’t know about me is very different from what you hear and see of me.” And just like that, I walked out of the class and started running outside of my school.

 

I wanted it all to go away. I didn’t care where I was, who was looking at me, or whatever. I just ran.

 

I ran through the city streets. I ran through the crowds of people.

 

I ran as I let my tears expose me. With every tear that fell, my heart slashed into a thousand more pieces.

 

I suddenly stopped, as I stared at where my pain and sadness had taken me.

 

I was on some kind of hill, I think.

 

I knew that my parents would be all worried if I didn’t get home, but right now I could care less.

 

The sun was setting, and as I took out my phone from my pocket and looked at the time, which was 6.00pm; I Noticed that I had almost 100 missed calls and new messages.

 

 I rolled my eyes in anger, as I shut off the stupid phone and stuffed it back in my pocket.

 

I didn’t want anyone to know where I was, not at least until I could get a grip of myself, and rebuild the fake façade I wore everyday.

 

It was getting cold, so thank god I had this jacket on. Or else I would freeze to death, not that I didn’t want to die right now.

 

I sucked in the air around me and continued walking for what I thought was 30 minutes until I saw a red expensive racecar ahead of me.

 

I squinted my eyes as I tried to get a better view of the people who were in the car.

 

‘ mhm what the hell is an expensive shitty car like that doing here?’ I thought to myself carelessly as I got closer to the car and what seemed like 4 people who were laughing in it.

 

I decided to just ignore the junkies in the car, and just keep walking.

 I mean they’re probably shitheads like everyone else in this world.

All judgmental, selfless jerks, whom could care less about anyone but themselves.

But I guess I had failed to pass the racecar without grabbing any attention because I heard the cars door open and some shoe’s hit the floor.

 

“ Hey there babe? What’s a thing like you doin’ here all alone.” Some guy said.

 

 “Just ignore the retard maybe then you don’t have to punch in his face.” I mumbled to myself quietly as I continued to walk.

 

All of a sudden I felt a hand wrap around my arm and turn me towards some man whom I thought was a druggie.

 

I wasn’t scared.

I wasn’t panicked.

For some reason I didn’t care at all.

 

I just didn’t. I know that I should be scared that there were 4 guys that were looking at me in weird ways, and that one of them was grabbing my arm. Hell, I should be terrified.

 

But I just wasn’t.

 

“ Well, hun are yah gunna answer my question?” the guy asked me again as he stared at me from top to bottom.

 

“ Why would you care what I’m doing here? What ARE you and your friends doing here?” I answered him back with not too much information, as I nodded at his three other weird looking friends.

 

“ ‘aight you wanna know? Come here babe ill take you to another world.” the stranger said as he wrapped his hand around my waist and walked me towards his car.

 

I didn’t respond to anything. I was so numb that I let this guy touch me and take me to his car.

 

“ Here yah go babe… try this. It’ll make aalllll the pain go away in a blink of an eye.” The guy said as he seated me in the front seat next to him and shoved some substance at me.

 

Now that there was light I could see all they’re faces clearly. They all looked like middle-aged men. Not too good-looking and not too bad.

 

I refocused my eyes and stared at what the stranger held out in hands for me.

 

It was some kind of plastic bag that contained some white crap in it.

 

I knew what is was, but I just shrugged and grabbed it from his hands.

 

‘Make the pain all go away…’ I thought to myself.

 

I opened the small bag and poured the substance onto my hand and placed it under my nose.

I sniffed it all in within seconds, and threw the plastic out of my hand.

 

“ Yeah baby! You see didn’t it make the pain all go away?” the same man asked me as he put his hand on my leg.

 

He was right… after a few seconds I felt so good. I couldn’t feel anything but this weird sensation.

I wanted to stay like this forever; my heart didn’t feel hurt, agony and pain like it usually did.

So I just nodded at what the man had said, and didn’t even care that his hand was now on my thighs.

 

Suddenly, the guy’s hands were all over me; and everything just felt wrong again.

 

I tried to kick him off of me and scream for help; but I couldn’t move at all.

 

Guess that drug was something they used to kidnap people, because it had a very strong effect on me.

 

I am so stupid.

 

VERY Stupid.

 

“Get out! You guys can take her when I’m done,” the same guy yelled at his other friends as he tried to yank off my jeans.

 

I wanted to hit him.

NO ONE touches my blue jeans other than me!!!! I mean what the hell their limited edition neon colored freaking jeans…

< I know I know… why the hell would a girl like me care about limited edition shit especially at a time like this? I know! But I LOVE these jeans and no freakin’ way was I gunna let some freak show ruin ‘em for me! >

 

I tried so badly to get my hands to move.

 

 I wanted him to get off of me.

 

 Not only was he ruining my jeans, he was squishing the life out of me.

 

 He gained victory when he opened my jeans button; but he had difficulty pulling them down.

 

‘Thank god these jeans were skinny!’ I thought to me.

 

“ Cumon’ you shitty thing!” the man yelled as he halfway pulled down my jeans.

 

‘ I’m going to die. I really am going to die.’ I thought as I had come to my senses and realized how dangerous THIS situation was.

 

 All this time I thought about death as something beautiful.

I thought of death as relief of all the pain I was dealing with in this world.

But I was still too young. I had so many things to discover, places I dreamed of going to, people I wanted kill <hahahaha I know, evil aren’t I?>, Things I wanted to do and experience,people I wanted to meet XD;

I haven’t done any of the stuff I dreamed of doing.

And now, all because of me I was loosing my life, my dignity<AKA virginity>, and I knew that if I didn’t loose my life I would loose myself.

 

I would loose my identity and go back to becoming a nobody from the inside.

 

“Get off of me you ass!” I yelled with anger as I kicked him off of me.

 

I noticed that he unsuccessfully pulled my jeans halfway through but failed to continue since now he was unconscious due to my karate kick. –hayyyyahhhh-

 

‘ Sheesh those karate lessons I took in fourth grade are paying off’ I thought as I quickly pulled up my jeans, and closed my jacket which was fully open revealing my shirt that was pulled halfway up exposing my stomach and part of my bra too.

 

Lucky, aren’t I? That the drug wore off. I tell you, angels are watching over me.

 

“ Hey Stan’ you okay bro?” his friends asked as the car door slowly opened.

 

“ Stan’s in heaven with his porno angels.” I mumbled quietly as I kicked the door open and ran for my life.

 

“ Not so fast you little bitch.” One of the druggies said as he grabbed me.

 

“ Pete, how’d the hell the drug wear off on her?” one of the druggies asked the man who was holding me.

 

“ I dunno man. But this bitch is really strong.” He replied to his friends as he luckily escaped my head bang.

 

‘Scream Anna! Just scream! Shit Shit! Just scream before they do anything else to you’ I yelled to myself.

 

I opened my mouth in an attempt to scream one of my loudest screams I ever owned, which I call ‘the TOKIO HOTEL look at me” scream; but nothing came out of my mouth.

 

Suddenly, I felt weak again.

 

“Bring her back in here!” The man, stan, that I kicked off of me yelled at his friends. “Ill show her who she’s dealing with!”

 

At that moment I wanted to cry so bad, but I couldn’t since I was so terrified.

I was so scared to the point that I couldn’t even cry.

 

‘This is it Anna say goodbye to the world’ I thought to myself sadly.

 

“ Here yah go boss” The man said as he handed me over to his ‘boss’, and closed the cars door shut.

 

“I’ll teach you how to hit me you little spoiled brat!” He spat, as he took out a pocketknife, opened up my jacket and tore my shirt open.

 

I felt like crap when his hands started moving all around my chest and back.

 

I could feel his hot breath against my bare skin that smelled like alcohol.

 

I squeezed my eyes shut, as I hoped this was all some nightmare I would eventually wake up from any moment now.

 

However I knew that my wish didn’t come true when I felt him take off my jeans, this time very easily.

 

I panted and tried to squirm free from his grip but when I did he stared at me wide eyed, and took his pocketknife and slowly cut across my chest   <where my heart was> and smiled in pleasure as blood trickled down my stomach.

 

I winced in pain since he refused to stop.

 

He kept pressing his pocketknife harder into my chest, smirking and enjoying his mutilation on me.

 

I suddenly felt cold.

 

My breath pace slowed, as my heart failed to pump any longer.

 

“ Get the hell out of here you bastards!” I heard a man yell as he fired a shotgun.

 

“ What the-“ the man on top of me said as he backed away from me to see what was happening.

 

“ Get the hell out of the car you piece of shit!” I heard and angry voice yell with deep emotion as the druggie -who was on top of me-opened the cars door.

 

“ YOU get the FUCK out of HERE before I blow your brains out!” and just like that the druggie ran away as I lay there bleeding to my own death.

 

“ Anna get up hun. Please don’t leave me here all alone” a voice said as a cold hand softly slapped my cheek.

 

“ Anna it’s me Travis. Anna wake up Anna. Please not now… don’t do this Ann!” I heard the voice cry in pain as I felt a teardrop hit my face.

 

“Tra-vis” I managed to say through the pain that was eating my insides.

 

“ANNA! I knew you wouldn’t leave me here alone!” I stared into this boys eyes and I saw something I’ve never seen before.

 

“Lets get you out of this place” Travis said as he got me out of the car.

 

When I stood up, I noticed that I was wearing some baggy shirt that wasn’t even mine.

 

I remembered the pain, the pocketknife, and the blood…

I wanted to see if there was still blood oozing out of my body; so I pulled up the shirt an scanned my pale skin.

 

Nothing.

 

There was no blood anywhere on my chest and stomach; I noticed some sort of scar on the side of my chest exactly where my heart was.

 

I softly touched the wound that was now closed real well by several stitches.

 

I looked up at Travis in question, “ Di-id you do this?” I weakly asked, since the strength in body wasn’t as strong as it used to be.

 

He stared deep into my eyes as though he was mesmerized…

“ You were so close to dying when I saw you here… I had to do something. The cut that you have is very deep…I swear a few more centimeters deeper and I could have noticed your heart. I didn’t want you go, so I found a wire and cleaned it with some alcohol- he nodded at the empty bottle that was on the floor- and stitched you up myself. My dad taught me how to…” - he shrugged as he shuffled his feet- “you were knocked out, so I know you didn’t feel a thing.” He said as he shifted his stare from the ground to my eyes.

 

I searched his grey eyes that shined beneath the moonlit sky; I couldn’t see through him but I knew he cared about me.

But for some reason I felt that tonight he didn’t care about me as a friend but as something more.

 

He picked his gaze off the floor and slowly placed his hand on my face and looked into my eyes.

 

This wasn’t the person I thought I knew.

 

He was different.

 

He wasn’t the same Travis I acted all goofy and stupid around.

 

He wasn’t the same boy I could be my crazy self around, tell secrets to, go shopping with, or even swimming.

 

“ Anna, I love you. You’ve always been the girl I wanted.” He said as he grabbed me into a kiss.

 

‘ No Travis, not you too...’ I thought to myself as tears filled up my eyes.

 

This kiss was beyond friendship.

 

The walls that I had built to limit the boundaries between me and him, was now all destroyed.

 

I thought he was my friend. My brother.

‘ I thought you cared about me?’

 

He was so wrapped up with a kiss he thought I wanted, when I didn’t, that he didn’t even notice me begin to cry.

 

His hands where all around me, moving back from my hips to my chest.

 

I squeezed my eyes shut and let the tears roll down my cheeks, as Travis’s hands got underneath his shirt that I wore and grabbed my breasts.

 

I didn’t want to scream. I didn’t want him to get in trouble.

But at the same time I couldn’t believe it. He betrayed me and was about to use me since I was so vulnerable.

 

I had to stop this, before it got too far.

 

I pulled away and quickly looked down at the granite road below me.

 

“ Did I do something wrong” He asked me as he rubbed his hand against his back.

 

‘ Did you do something wrong?!’ I thought sadly in my head.

 

“I don’t know Travis, DID you do something wrong?” I answered his question looking into his eyes, searching for the boy I once knew.

 

“ Aren’t you dating Lindsay? I thought you loved her and you know- I shrugged- you didn’t want to hurt her; since you said that you weren’t that kind of person.” I continued as I looked at him stiffen.

 

“Right! Lindsay- he mumbled under his breath as though the girl he used to talk about with such pride and love was now a burden- I’ll break up with her after tonight? Anyhow who cares about her she doesn’t mean nothing to me no more...” He replied to me.

 

I looked at him again; this time I saw a demon lurk evilly in his eyes.

‘This isn’t Travis?’ I thought to myself.

 

I refused to believe that this was my friend the one I shared half my life and memories with.

 

I shook my head and closed my gaping mouth.

 

I picked up my jacket that lay on the floor, I smiled at him sadly in agony and despair as I said to him, “It’s getting late… I better get home…my parents are probably worried” and slowly started to walk away from him even though I still felt pain every where in my body. I just had to keep walking, you know? I mean don’t you have one of those moments were you just have to do something to prove that your strong and can take care of yourself.

A moment where someone you dearly loved and put all the hope you ever had in your body in them and in the end they let you down. While you don’t want to show your depression and sadness you walk away from them…leaving them with nothing but footsteps imprinted on their heart of memories of you.

 

At that moment I really wished that that druggie finished me off.

I really wished that he didn’t have to come and save me from my awful fate.

 

‘Die Anna. Die Anna. I hate you! Die Anna! You cause the world to crumble from a beautiful castle to an ugly junkyard. Die Anna, just die please?’ I said to myself as tears from my eyes hit the grey road.

 

I walked away from the place I almost lost my life.

 

I walked away from the place the person I thought cared about me took advantage of me as he let his demons take over him.

 

I walked away from the place where two peoples friendship forever ended.

 

I walked away from that hill with a heart gaped wide open as millions of people stood above me and slashed it over and over again.

 

I walked away from friendship and death itself…

 

“ Anna are you crazy? Don’t do this to yourself. Cumon’ ill take you to my place, and we can talk bout this. I want you Anna! And I know you want me to” Travis grabbed my hand as he turned me to face him.

 

Tears started to overflow my eyes as a water tap was turned on.

 

‘They just don’t get it do they?’ I thought to myself.

 

“ NO TRAVIS! I can get home by myself! I do have the strength to walk. Don’t pity me because I almost got raped and died!” - I panted as tears started to come out of my eyes- “I know you saved my life, and I thank you dearly! That’s all I have to give, but if you want anything more from me just say so? – “I questioned him as I lifted my hands out at my sides- do you want to fuck me? Is that what you want?” - I knew that what I said was hurting him but he had to hear it- “ISNT it what every one wants from a girl like me? HUH?” - I started to shake as my heart rate started to speed up- do I owe you something since you saved my shitty life?- I paused as I gave my self room to breathe- “Why did you save me anyways?  Why didn’t you just leave me there to die between their hands since all I am to you is some rag doll? Do you want your shirt? - I looked at him as I lifted up his crappy football shirt- here take it. - I took the shirt off of me and threw it at him. I know it was freezing cold and I wasn’t wearing anything but a bra; but a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got do. I couldn’t just let him do me? I wasn’t going to let him. I am so tiered of people taking advantage of me, hurting me then throwing me away. I put on my jacket and zipped it close. - I have a brain Travis. God gave me a brain too.” I said weakly as I walked away from him.

 

I walked all the way home that night, and as usual when I got to the front of my house all the lights were off.

 

No one was there.

 

My parents probably flew over to Miami again, and maybe forgot to tell me.

No big deal right?

 

I knew that the front house door was surely locked, so I walked all the way to the back and climbed the ladder that lead to my room’s window.

 

I got into my room, and didn’t bother to turn on the lights; I already knew where everything was placed.

 

I entered my bathroom and closed the door shut.

 

I knew no one would barge into my bathroom, but somehow by closing that door; I felt as though I had separated myself from the rest of the world and its so-called ‘ earthly pleasures’.

 

I banged my head on the back of the bathroom door as I slowly fell onto the ground and put my head between my hands and cried.

 

“ I don’t get what I do wrong?” I wailed out for no one to hear but myself.

“ I hate this… I hate it all”

 

 I cried my eyes out, I thought by doing something like that I would feel better’; but I didn’t.

My heart still felt heavy in my chest, and I had this feeling in me that just encouraged what was happening right now.

 

“ I don’t understand!!!!!!!,” I screamed as I pulled up my head from my hands and banged it hard on the door.

 

“ I can’t take it anymore.” I wailed in pain as my heart-felt heavy in my chest. “ I can’t take it anymore!” I pulled myself up and reached out for the cabinet above the sink.

 

I searched between my stuff for anything sharp.

Pills, makeup and lotion bottles all fell into the sink as I searched desperately for a blade or anything.

 

After my desperate scavenge I found a blade. < Joy, I know. >

 

I pulled my arm out and pressed the blade right onto my skin.

 

I expected to feel something. ANYTHING?

But I didn’t.

 

I really didn’t feel anything the minute I pressed the blade into my hand,

 

‘Was I that numb?’

I laughed to myself.

 

I lost a friendship, I lost my strength, I almost lost my life, and now I’m loosing my mind.

 

I tried again.

 

This time I pressed harder and deeper than my first attempt.

I stared at the deep wide cut the blade left on my hand.

 

‘Feel something?’ I thought to myself.

 

“ FEEL SOMETHING DAMMIT!’I shrieked as I took the blade again this time and carved the word LOVE on my lower hand and allowed the blood to trickle all the way down from my palms to the sink.